Profile
Age: ?
School: ?
Birthday: ?
Archives
6/21/09 - 6/28/09
6/28/09 - 7/5/09
7/5/09 - 7/12/09
7/12/09 - 7/19/09
7/19/09 - 7/26/09
7/26/09 - 8/2/09
8/2/09 - 8/9/09
8/9/09 - 8/16/09
8/16/09 - 8/23/09
8/23/09 - 8/30/09
9/13/09 - 9/20/09
10/11/09 - 10/18/09
10/18/09 - 10/25/09
10/25/09 - 11/1/09
11/8/09 - 11/15/09
11/15/09 - 11/22/09
2/7/10 - 2/14/10
7/3/11 - 7/10/11
Links
Link
Link
Link
Tagboard
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Sayang My Sayang Always...
Sayang My Sayang Forever...
Sayang My Only Sayang...
Sayang Sayang...
5th May...
6th May...
7th May...Officially...
I Missed My Sayang Sooooo Much...
Nearly 15 Months...
29/04/11 10:50:16
I Cried When I Saw Your Name...
Its's Sumthing That I Had Been Waiting For...
I Promised I'd Wait For You...
I Did...
I Love You More And More Each Day...
Thank You Sayang For Remebering Me...
Sayang My Sayang Forever...
Sayang My Only Sayang...
Sayang Sayang...
5th May...
6th May...
7th May...Officially...
I Missed My Sayang Sooooo Much...
Nearly 15 Months...
29/04/11 10:50:16
I Cried When I Saw Your Name...
Its's Sumthing That I Had Been Waiting For...
I Promised I'd Wait For You...
I Did...
I Love You More And More Each Day...
Thank You Sayang For Remebering Me...
Thursday, February 11, 2010
::110210 1130pm::
i saud gdbye to both..pardon my misspell...i dun care anymore...it hurt it really does...
i saud gdbye to both..pardon my misspell...i dun care anymore...it hurt it really does...
Monday, November 16, 2009
::TAKE CARE::
I Notice That Today You Are Not Feeling Well...
I Hope You Will Drink More Water And Rest More...
For Know I Really Don't Know What Is Our Status...
As Far As I Know We Had Ended It...
For The Last 7 Days We Hardly Spoke To Each Other...
Haiz...
Who Shall I Blame???
Am I Over-Sensitive???
Have I Over-Reacted???
Lunch At Singapore Post Payar Lebar Food Court...
17th November 2009...
its about us.i leave everiting up to u to decide ok.
for nw we cool off first until u are ready to discuss again
Yes It Hurt...
But It Will Hurt Me More If I Never Make Up My Mind Soon...
I Really Want To End This...
I Hate To Play Second Fiddle...
To Me It Has Ended On The 9th November 2009...
Thanks To TX...
b3z
I Notice That Today You Are Not Feeling Well...
I Hope You Will Drink More Water And Rest More...
For Know I Really Don't Know What Is Our Status...
As Far As I Know We Had Ended It...
For The Last 7 Days We Hardly Spoke To Each Other...
Haiz...
Who Shall I Blame???
Am I Over-Sensitive???
Have I Over-Reacted???
27th October 2009 07:15
Kk.Thanx.U save my day.Muackz.Haha.I comin down in five.
27th October 2009 08:16
Kk.Bye sayang.
Lunch At Singapore Post Payar Lebar Food Court...
17th November 2009...
its about us.i leave everiting up to u to decide ok.
for nw we cool off first until u are ready to discuss again
Yes It Hurt...
But It Will Hurt Me More If I Never Make Up My Mind Soon...
I Really Want To End This...
I Hate To Play Second Fiddle...
To Me It Has Ended On The 9th November 2009...
Thanks To TX...
b3z
Friday, November 13, 2009
::What's OLD?::
It's tough ba...
I had enough of waiting...
After eight weeks of waiting it seems that nothing can come out of this relationship...
I taught that this time around we can make it really happen...
But Once Again You Disappoint me...
2nd May till 4th June
30th June till 13th August
15th Sept till 9th November
02,04,09,13,15,30 go buy toto bah...
I don't understand why you insist on continuing yet still asking me to wait...
Haiz...i need a clearer explanation what am i to you?
b3z
It's tough ba...
I had enough of waiting...
After eight weeks of waiting it seems that nothing can come out of this relationship...
I taught that this time around we can make it really happen...
But Once Again You Disappoint me...
2nd May till 4th June
30th June till 13th August
15th Sept till 9th November
02,04,09,13,15,30 go buy toto bah...
I don't understand why you insist on continuing yet still asking me to wait...
Haiz...i need a clearer explanation what am i to you?
b3z
Monday, October 26, 2009
::GOING STRAIGHT ON A BEND::
In Reality,Is There Really a 100% Straight Line?
Everything Around Us Is A Bend...A Bend That We Always Want To Go Straight...
In Reality,Is There Really a 100% Straight Line?
Everything Around Us Is A Bend...A Bend That We Always Want To Go Straight...
Friday, October 23, 2009
::What Happened::
I Am Very Disappointed In Alot Of Things Recently...
Too Many Things Happening Till I Have Lost Interest Writing About It...
My Relationship Is Never Going To Be Smooth Sailing...
This Time Around If I End It...
It Will Be For Good...
Work Sucks to The Core...
Juniors Are Given Better Treatment Than Senior...
I've Been OutCast...
Had Enough Of The Nonsense...
I Will Endure For As Long As I Can...
For Now I Am Very Sad ,Disapointed,Heart Broken,Dejected...
b3z
I Am Very Disappointed In Alot Of Things Recently...
Too Many Things Happening Till I Have Lost Interest Writing About It...
My Relationship Is Never Going To Be Smooth Sailing...
This Time Around If I End It...
It Will Be For Good...
Work Sucks to The Core...
Juniors Are Given Better Treatment Than Senior...
I've Been OutCast...
Had Enough Of The Nonsense...
I Will Endure For As Long As I Can...
For Now I Am Very Sad ,Disapointed,Heart Broken,Dejected...
b3z
Monday, October 12, 2009
::The Truth::
Everybody Interested To Know The Truth...
Well I Believe No One Can Handle The Truth...
I Am In Love...Yes...
I Will Not Be Able To Reveal The Identity of My Sayang To Everyone...
It's Private...Must Respect My Sayang Privacy...
I Am Not Straight Neither Am I Crooked...
I Stay Loyal To One...
If We Ever Split...I Will Never Find A Replacement...
I Will Move On...In Search for Reality...
b3z
Everybody Interested To Know The Truth...
Well I Believe No One Can Handle The Truth...
I Am In Love...Yes...
I Will Not Be Able To Reveal The Identity of My Sayang To Everyone...
It's Private...Must Respect My Sayang Privacy...
I Am Not Straight Neither Am I Crooked...
I Stay Loyal To One...
If We Ever Split...I Will Never Find A Replacement...
I Will Move On...In Search for Reality...
b3z
Friday, September 18, 2009
::FROZEN::
I have to freeze entry in this blog temporarily...
Until the problems is solve...
It's really Complicated...
I will update more after a few weeks...
I Promise...
b3z
I have to freeze entry in this blog temporarily...
Until the problems is solve...
It's really Complicated...
I will update more after a few weeks...
I Promise...
b3z
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
::I AM HAPPY::
Its a secret.I am not going to tell you...
Yup very long liao never write...
Many Things happened...
Fight,Suspension,Sack...
4weeks...4weeks...6weeks...4weeks...
I Wanna hold your hand...
Can i Can i Can i???
Found Something New...
Happiest day of my life in 10weeks...
Sayang My New Sayang...
b3z
Its a secret.I am not going to tell you...
Yup very long liao never write...
Many Things happened...
Fight,Suspension,Sack...
4weeks...4weeks...6weeks...4weeks...
I Wanna hold your hand...
Can i Can i Can i???
Found Something New...
Happiest day of my life in 10weeks...
Sayang My New Sayang...
b3z
Saturday, August 29, 2009
::Wishing for a better day::
I am physically and mentally tired...
Rumors spreading like wildfire...
Tried to defend myself...but it get worst...
2009, year of bad lucks...
Struggle in my first relationship in 14 years...
It lasted a month before it was extended for another 6 weeks with a 4 weeks break...
I got "kicked" out of my work place due to a certain "security" reason...
Apparently they think i am threat to that location...
My security clearance was not cleared...
Everybody around me been lying to me...
They know who they are...
Hypocrites...
I need help...
Past weeks my health hasn't been that good either...
Twicthing of left hand and constant chest pain...
Slip disc waiting to happen soon...
Had a slight fall on 24th August and been in pain since then...
I am physically and mentally tired...
Rumors spreading like wildfire...
Tried to defend myself...but it get worst...
2009, year of bad lucks...
Struggle in my first relationship in 14 years...
It lasted a month before it was extended for another 6 weeks with a 4 weeks break...
I got "kicked" out of my work place due to a certain "security" reason...
Apparently they think i am threat to that location...
My security clearance was not cleared...
Everybody around me been lying to me...
They know who they are...
Hypocrites...
I need help...
Past weeks my health hasn't been that good either...
Twicthing of left hand and constant chest pain...
Slip disc waiting to happen soon...
Had a slight fall on 24th August and been in pain since then...
If i had an accident...would you come and visit me?
If i die....will you visit my grave?
I can't see myself reaching 35 at this current situation...
I've lost the will power...
I've lost everything that i want...
Enduring physical and internal pain...
b3z
Thursday, August 27, 2009
::IT'S BACK::
24th August 2009 between 0800 hrs to 0900 hrs
Slipped a step while going up the stairs...
Body jerk forward...
The pain begins...
After about 4weeks of pain free days...
Yup its painful but i am enduring it...
I don't want to rely on painkillers...
The pain as usual will party around my back and hip...
As i typing now..the pain is shooting down my spine...
My left hand been twitching since The day i fall...
System Malfuction....
Signs of getting old
b3z
24th August 2009 between 0800 hrs to 0900 hrs
Slipped a step while going up the stairs...
Body jerk forward...
The pain begins...
After about 4weeks of pain free days...
Yup its painful but i am enduring it...
I don't want to rely on painkillers...
The pain as usual will party around my back and hip...
As i typing now..the pain is shooting down my spine...
My left hand been twitching since The day i fall...
System Malfuction....
Signs of getting old
b3z
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
::SAYANG::
Sayang My Sayang Always,
Sayang My Sayang Forever,
Sayang My Only Sayang,
Sayang Sayang.
This words are often used to express love for someone...
There is only one person that i Sayang right now...
Even we are no longer together,i'll still Sayang My Only Sayang...
It's been hard for me in the past weeks...
I know i shouldn't have done things that i did...
I am Sorry.
I know,Sorry is not enough to cure the pain that i had caused...
I never seen Sayang so angry with me before...
I know Sayang will never want to hear my name again...
I know Sayang will never want to see me again...
I know Sayang will not forgive my mistakes...
I never wanted it to end...
But Sayang did not fight for it...
Sayang did not put in a little bit of effort in our relationship,even if it was just pretending...
Now it's all over ...i have lost the battle...i admit defeat.
It's my fault...
Goodbye My Sayang...
Let me just walk away from your life...
Sayang will forever be in my heart...
There is no another Sayang...
Sayang My Sayang Always,
Sayang My Sayang Forever,
Sayang My Only Sayang,
Sayang Sayang.For The Last Time...
Sayang
b3z
Sayang My Sayang Always,
Sayang My Sayang Forever,
Sayang My Only Sayang,
Sayang Sayang.
This words are often used to express love for someone...
There is only one person that i Sayang right now...
Even we are no longer together,i'll still Sayang My Only Sayang...
It's been hard for me in the past weeks...
I know i shouldn't have done things that i did...
I am Sorry.
I know,Sorry is not enough to cure the pain that i had caused...
I never seen Sayang so angry with me before...
I know Sayang will never want to hear my name again...
I know Sayang will never want to see me again...
I know Sayang will not forgive my mistakes...
I never wanted it to end...
But Sayang did not fight for it...
Sayang did not put in a little bit of effort in our relationship,even if it was just pretending...
Now it's all over ...i have lost the battle...i admit defeat.
It's my fault...
Goodbye My Sayang...
Let me just walk away from your life...
Sayang will forever be in my heart...
There is no another Sayang...
Sayang My Sayang Always,
Sayang My Sayang Forever,
Sayang My Only Sayang,
Sayang Sayang.For The Last Time...
Sayang
b3z
Saturday, August 22, 2009
::IS THIS REALLY THE END::
I, need a break, because all this things, is killing me, on the inside...
I've ,lost someone...Someone that ,i Sayang...
Now, i know why, you are, ignoring me...
I, know its my, fault but you, never give me, a chance to explain, everything...
I, am very sad...very sad,more sad then, when we broke up...
Is this..really...the..end?
Thank you...for all the, good memories...
I will cherish all of this forever...
Goodbye...my Sayang...i have lost you forever..
Please Forgive Me... I am Sorry to really hurt you...
If only,you would give me a chance to explain to you...
Now im searching for my own internal peace...
Soon i'll be gone,far away,from this world...
Wish you all the best...
I, need a break, because all this things, is killing me, on the inside...
I've ,lost someone...Someone that ,i Sayang...
Now, i know why, you are, ignoring me...
I, know its my, fault but you, never give me, a chance to explain, everything...
I, am very sad...very sad,more sad then, when we broke up...
Is this..really...the..end?
Thank you...for all the, good memories...
I will cherish all of this forever...
Goodbye...my Sayang...i have lost you forever..
Please Forgive Me... I am Sorry to really hurt you...
If only,you would give me a chance to explain to you...
Now im searching for my own internal peace...
Soon i'll be gone,far away,from this world...
Wish you all the best...
::DYING::
b3z is dying...soon...
b3z
b3z is dying...soon...
b3z
Friday, August 21, 2009
::LAST SMS::
Friday 21st August 2009 19:57
*****,I am sorry for everything.I know you are very angry with me.I guess i don't have any chance of meeting you to clear the air.I know you will not want to meet me.I have caused a lot of problems for you in the past few months.There is nothing else i can do except to sincerely apologise to the both of you.I am Sorry.I have submit my resignation letter.This will be my last message for you.***
b3z
Friday 21st August 2009 19:57
*****,I am sorry for everything.I know you are very angry with me.I guess i don't have any chance of meeting you to clear the air.I know you will not want to meet me.I have caused a lot of problems for you in the past few months.There is nothing else i can do except to sincerely apologise to the both of you.I am Sorry.I have submit my resignation letter.This will be my last message for you.***
b3z
::SAYANG::
As of today , i have not seen Sayang for a week...
I really miss Sayang a lot...
Sayang left without saying a word to me...
I know Sayang is angry with me...
I know Sayang don't trust me anymore...
I know i made a mistake...
The last time i saw Sayang was last Friday 14th August around 10am...
The last time we spoke to each other was 13th August around 540pm...
There is only ONE Sayang in my heart and it's Sayang...
Sayang my Sayang Always...
Sayang my Sayang Forever...
Sayang Sayang...
All i want is to see Sayang for the last time before Sayang go away...
Even if its from a distant...
Its all my fault...
I know we are not together...but Sayang has always been my Sayang...
I am also leaving...i am leaving for good...
I can feel its coming...
Its time...
Life beyond the Big3Zero...
SAYANG MY SAYANG ALWAYS...
SAYANG MY SAYANG FOREVER...
SAYANG MY ONLY SAYANG...
SAYANG SAYANG...
b3z
As of today , i have not seen Sayang for a week...
I really miss Sayang a lot...
Sayang left without saying a word to me...
I know Sayang is angry with me...
I know Sayang don't trust me anymore...
I know i made a mistake...
The last time i saw Sayang was last Friday 14th August around 10am...
The last time we spoke to each other was 13th August around 540pm...
There is only ONE Sayang in my heart and it's Sayang...
Sayang my Sayang Always...
Sayang my Sayang Forever...
Sayang Sayang...
All i want is to see Sayang for the last time before Sayang go away...
Even if its from a distant...
Its all my fault...
I know we are not together...but Sayang has always been my Sayang...
I am also leaving...i am leaving for good...
I can feel its coming...
Its time...
Life beyond the Big3Zero...
SAYANG MY SAYANG ALWAYS...
SAYANG MY SAYANG FOREVER...
SAYANG MY ONLY SAYANG...
SAYANG SAYANG...
b3z
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
::LOOK WHOSE READING::
I know...someone reads my blog often...
Who?...I don't know...
Here i have decided not to publish any names...
If i do,it will create WWIV...
WWIII begun last Sunday...
So if you guys/gals wanna leave any message, just use your initials...
I won't stop you if you want to leave your full name...
JA has declared who she is...lol...the one and only who dares...
Not many people know i have this blog...
Keep on reading...Hope you all enjoy...
Everything said here are the truth,the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
b3z
I know...someone reads my blog often...
Who?...I don't know...
Here i have decided not to publish any names...
If i do,it will create WWIV...
WWIII begun last Sunday...
So if you guys/gals wanna leave any message, just use your initials...
I won't stop you if you want to leave your full name...
JA has declared who she is...lol...the one and only who dares...
Not many people know i have this blog...
Keep on reading...Hope you all enjoy...
Everything said here are the truth,the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
b3z
::WISH::
I still Sayang my Sayang...
I know now Sayang is angry with me...
I am truely Sorry Sayang...
I always crumbled under pressure...
I never like people repeating the same question over and over again...
I never like it when i tell the truth and yet people don't belive it...
I am trying to lead a honest live...but i failed...
I now feel that i should do like how i do back in 2005...
Don't care about what happen around me...STOP THINKING...
If everything goes well tomorrow...i will do what i did in 2005 again...
If it doesn't...i'll just have to control myself...
I resigned because of you...You have family to support...i don't...
You need the job more then i do...
It's your choice...
If you want me to leave...i will leave...
For you...Sayang...
b3z
I still Sayang my Sayang...
I know now Sayang is angry with me...
I am truely Sorry Sayang...
I always crumbled under pressure...
I never like people repeating the same question over and over again...
I never like it when i tell the truth and yet people don't belive it...
I am trying to lead a honest live...but i failed...
I now feel that i should do like how i do back in 2005...
Don't care about what happen around me...STOP THINKING...
If everything goes well tomorrow...i will do what i did in 2005 again...
If it doesn't...i'll just have to control myself...
I resigned because of you...You have family to support...i don't...
You need the job more then i do...
It's your choice...
If you want me to leave...i will leave...
For you...Sayang...
b3z
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
::RECONSIDER::
LFW spoke to me today...
Advicing me to stay on...
Not to make rash decision...
He shared a few things with me about staff movement...
He said that JT will be needed back to the previous place to replace THL...
I was shocked ...
But who am i to comment and who am i to decide...
Bottomline is I had RESIGNED but no one wants to accept my Resignation...
It not an easy decision...
I just want to forget everything...
I just want to get out of this nightmare that had haunt me for FOUR months...
I just want to run,run far far away from everybody...
I AM A JINX TO EVERYBODY...
I AM THE CAUSE OF ALL MISFORTUNE THAT HAD HAPPEN TO MY FRIENDS...
Hope i can find peace soon...
b3z
LFW spoke to me today...
Advicing me to stay on...
Not to make rash decision...
He shared a few things with me about staff movement...
He said that JT will be needed back to the previous place to replace THL...
I was shocked ...
But who am i to comment and who am i to decide...
Bottomline is I had RESIGNED but no one wants to accept my Resignation...
It not an easy decision...
I just want to forget everything...
I just want to get out of this nightmare that had haunt me for FOUR months...
I just want to run,run far far away from everybody...
I AM A JINX TO EVERYBODY...
I AM THE CAUSE OF ALL MISFORTUNE THAT HAD HAPPEN TO MY FRIENDS...
Hope i can find peace soon...
b3z
::LOST...BLANK...CONFUSED::
Today will be the day the final decision be made...
My mind i very very extremey confused...
I am totally LOST...
It's BLANK...
I am under a lot of stress all over again...
I want to end this...
That is why i ended things with JT on 13th August...
Finally i had both of the off my back...So i thought...
I WANT TO END ALL THIS!!!!!!
b3z
Today will be the day the final decision be made...
My mind i very very extremey confused...
I am totally LOST...
It's BLANK...
I am under a lot of stress all over again...
I want to end this...
That is why i ended things with JT on 13th August...
Finally i had both of the off my back...So i thought...
I WANT TO END ALL THIS!!!!!!
b3z
Monday, August 17, 2009
::THE END::
I had submit my resignation letter today at 1600hrs...
I had had enough of all this crap...
I love my job and i don't want to leave it...
But if tomorrow you say,you'd be happy to see me go....I will go...
Let's end this once and for all...
::NEVER TRUST A WOMAN::
1)NEVER TRUST a couple who are sleeping together.
2)NEVER TRUST a woman who's looking for the truth,because she can be very cunning and hypocritical with words just to get what she wants.
I can only assume that my mistake was to be in between a problematic couple who already had had lots of problems before i come into the picture.So I AM ALWAYS THE EXCUSE/REASONS they want to fight/argue with each other.
STUPIDITY begins with LOVE.
LOVE causes BLINDNESS.
Once you are blinded,you will definately do Stupid things...
Another day to wait...
b3z
I had submit my resignation letter today at 1600hrs...
I had had enough of all this crap...
I love my job and i don't want to leave it...
But if tomorrow you say,you'd be happy to see me go....I will go...
Let's end this once and for all...
::NEVER TRUST A WOMAN::
1)NEVER TRUST a couple who are sleeping together.
2)NEVER TRUST a woman who's looking for the truth,because she can be very cunning and hypocritical with words just to get what she wants.
I can only assume that my mistake was to be in between a problematic couple who already had had lots of problems before i come into the picture.So I AM ALWAYS THE EXCUSE/REASONS they want to fight/argue with each other.
STUPIDITY begins with LOVE.
LOVE causes BLINDNESS.
Once you are blinded,you will definately do Stupid things...
Another day to wait...
b3z
Sunday, August 16, 2009
::MOVING ON::
It's time to move on...
The beginning stage is always the hardest...
Especially when we are still able to see each other daily...
Slowly but surely others will be able to see through it...
For sure i will not talk to you...
Not unless you talk to me first...
I am bitterly,utterly,totally disappointed...
Tomorrow i shall know how hard the beginning stage is...
I Hate you...I Hate you...I Hate you...
Haiz... :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Let's wait and see...
b3z
It's time to move on...
The beginning stage is always the hardest...
Especially when we are still able to see each other daily...
Slowly but surely others will be able to see through it...
For sure i will not talk to you...
Not unless you talk to me first...
I am bitterly,utterly,totally disappointed...
Tomorrow i shall know how hard the beginning stage is...
I Hate you...I Hate you...I Hate you...
Haiz... :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
Let's wait and see...
b3z
Friday, August 14, 2009
::SILENCE::
It's too obvious...
It felt weird...
Not a single word uttered...
Even when you sat next to me in my car...
If KA never asked me,i wouldn't pick you up...
Either you are stubborn or you don't know what to say to me...
The thing that upset me is...
"So you want to end it or you don't want?" i asked
"Let me think first.Too much things in my mind" is your reply...
For 6 weeks we been together you still need to think about it first???
I will remain in silence for as long as you remain in silence...
This time my heart will stay still...
It will not be the same again...
You disappoint me...
You failed me...
Honestly, i still hope you would reply...
Truthfully , i still don't want to let go...
Sincerely, i still Sayang you...
But sadly...
You don't know how to appreciate the Sayang that i have for you...
You did not put in any effort,not even a little bit...
You take things for granted...
Now... i am letting it go...
Sayang my Sayang Always...
Sayang my Sayang Forever...
Sayang Sayang...
b3z
It's too obvious...
It felt weird...
Not a single word uttered...
Even when you sat next to me in my car...
If KA never asked me,i wouldn't pick you up...
Either you are stubborn or you don't know what to say to me...
The thing that upset me is...
"So you want to end it or you don't want?" i asked
"Let me think first.Too much things in my mind" is your reply...
For 6 weeks we been together you still need to think about it first???
I will remain in silence for as long as you remain in silence...
This time my heart will stay still...
It will not be the same again...
You disappoint me...
You failed me...
Honestly, i still hope you would reply...
Truthfully , i still don't want to let go...
Sincerely, i still Sayang you...
But sadly...
You don't know how to appreciate the Sayang that i have for you...
You did not put in any effort,not even a little bit...
You take things for granted...
Now... i am letting it go...
Sayang my Sayang Always...
Sayang my Sayang Forever...
Sayang Sayang...
b3z
:: :( ::
So it's confirmed...It's totally over...
Your time is up...
Let me think and decide for you...
I know why you want to think about it...
I am very hurt and dissapointed...
Since begining of June,you stop sms me and stop calling me the way you use to call me...
You failed me...
Blame it on my stupidity...
I really don't wish to be in any relationship again...
It breaks my heart to make such decision...
But i believe this time i am more prepared then when it happen in June...
You need me you find me...you don't need me,you don't even bother to sms...
I Wonder...why you still want to think about it?
Why you still don't want to let it go??
Maybe i know the reason...
Maybe...
b3z
So it's confirmed...It's totally over...
Your time is up...
Let me think and decide for you...
I know why you want to think about it...
I am very hurt and dissapointed...
Since begining of June,you stop sms me and stop calling me the way you use to call me...
You failed me...
Blame it on my stupidity...
I really don't wish to be in any relationship again...
It breaks my heart to make such decision...
But i believe this time i am more prepared then when it happen in June...
You need me you find me...you don't need me,you don't even bother to sms...
I Wonder...why you still want to think about it?
Why you still don't want to let it go??
Maybe i know the reason...
Maybe...
b3z
Thursday, August 13, 2009
::CLOSURE::
::2nd May to 4th June::4 1/2 weeks::
::30th June to 13th Aug 2359hrs::6 weeks::
::Tick Tocking a fresh start to a new day on 14th Aug::
::Sayang my Sayang Always::Sayang Sayang Forever::Closure::
I don't want Sayang to think anymore...
Since there is so many things in Sayang mind...
Let's take one of if off...
Let's end our relationship today...
6 weeks...Sayang did not put in any effort...
ALL I WANT IS A LIITLE BIT OF EFFORT,EVEN IF IT IS FAKE.
Yes both of us are busy with our work but that is not an excuse...
I never even realise it's been 6 weeks until today...
I've waited too long...Nothing else to think of...
I am already very dissapointed in Sayang...
There is really nothing else liao...
Your silence means Sayang agreed to end this relationship...
If Sayang still want to consider,Sayang may do so however if i never receive any respond from Sayang by 13th Aug 2009 2359hrs,i will take it as it's OVER...
SAYANG MY SAYANG ALWAYS
SAYANG SAYANG FOREVER...For the last time....No third chance...
::THE END TO ANOTHER CHAPTER OF MY LIFE::
b3z
::2nd May to 4th June::4 1/2 weeks::
::30th June to 13th Aug 2359hrs::6 weeks::
::Tick Tocking a fresh start to a new day on 14th Aug::
::Sayang my Sayang Always::Sayang Sayang Forever::Closure::
I don't want Sayang to think anymore...
Since there is so many things in Sayang mind...
Let's take one of if off...
Let's end our relationship today...
6 weeks...Sayang did not put in any effort...
ALL I WANT IS A LIITLE BIT OF EFFORT,EVEN IF IT IS FAKE.
Yes both of us are busy with our work but that is not an excuse...
I never even realise it's been 6 weeks until today...
I've waited too long...Nothing else to think of...
I am already very dissapointed in Sayang...
There is really nothing else liao...
Your silence means Sayang agreed to end this relationship...
If Sayang still want to consider,Sayang may do so however if i never receive any respond from Sayang by 13th Aug 2009 2359hrs,i will take it as it's OVER...
SAYANG MY SAYANG ALWAYS
SAYANG SAYANG FOREVER...For the last time....No third chance...
::THE END TO ANOTHER CHAPTER OF MY LIFE::
b3z
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
::THE DAY I LOST::
Today 12th August 2009 18:54 hrs i found out that people really are making used of me to get information.Maybe from now onwards i should just be on my own.I will be changing my handphone number again.I will be starting everything again afresh.Somehow or rather i have the feeling that something is not right today.My misery started on 17th July 2009 18:30 hrs and i hope today it had ended. S i hope you are satisfied with all the answers given.Deep inside i know you are just playing around with me to get certain information through me.
TRUST IS A WORD THAT CAN KILL YOU,HAVE FAITH NOT TRUST.
TRUST=To Really Understand Someone Truely before you can use the word.
Today out of sudden JT did not talk to me,throw face,ignore my call and did not reply my sms.
Today out of sudden i found out VP is getting terminated.
Today out of sudden S threaten me.
Today is a very sad day for me.As i said before, a Sayang can be replace but never a friend.
What ever it is i will not TRUST any one else other than my brother Chad.
b3z
Today 12th August 2009 18:54 hrs i found out that people really are making used of me to get information.Maybe from now onwards i should just be on my own.I will be changing my handphone number again.I will be starting everything again afresh.Somehow or rather i have the feeling that something is not right today.My misery started on 17th July 2009 18:30 hrs and i hope today it had ended. S i hope you are satisfied with all the answers given.Deep inside i know you are just playing around with me to get certain information through me.
TRUST IS A WORD THAT CAN KILL YOU,HAVE FAITH NOT TRUST.
TRUST=To Really Understand Someone Truely before you can use the word.
Today out of sudden JT did not talk to me,throw face,ignore my call and did not reply my sms.
Today out of sudden i found out VP is getting terminated.
Today out of sudden S threaten me.
Today is a very sad day for me.As i said before, a Sayang can be replace but never a friend.
What ever it is i will not TRUST any one else other than my brother Chad.
b3z
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
::IS MY BACK A GOOD PLACE TO POKE YOUR KNIFE?::
Am i a bad guy???
Am i really that BAD???
Am i having a GOOD life that others are JEALOUS of???
Am i a BASTARD???
Am i Really that BAD a BASTARD???
If you answer YES to all the above Questions, just kill me straight away,make sure i DIE.Because if i didn't , i will chase you till my last drop of blood!!!
What the HELL have i done to you til you keep pushing the blame to me???
You have never seen me ANGRY my friend...
DO NOT WAKE UP A SLEEPING TIGER...
IS MY BACK A GOOD PLACE TO POKE YOUR KNIFE???
One time you poke...Oh well, the fats on my body absorbs the pain...
Twice you poke...Nevermind...it bleed abit only...
Third time you poke...The TIGER in me just yawned away...
Fourth time???ARE YOU F*#$ING KIDDING ME???
Really, have you no SHAME???
What the HECK is your PROBLEM???
DAMN YOU,YOU RUIN MY LIFE!!!
b3z
Am i a bad guy???
Am i really that BAD???
Am i having a GOOD life that others are JEALOUS of???
Am i a BASTARD???
Am i Really that BAD a BASTARD???
If you answer YES to all the above Questions, just kill me straight away,make sure i DIE.Because if i didn't , i will chase you till my last drop of blood!!!
What the HELL have i done to you til you keep pushing the blame to me???
You have never seen me ANGRY my friend...
DO NOT WAKE UP A SLEEPING TIGER...
IS MY BACK A GOOD PLACE TO POKE YOUR KNIFE???
One time you poke...Oh well, the fats on my body absorbs the pain...
Twice you poke...Nevermind...it bleed abit only...
Third time you poke...The TIGER in me just yawned away...
Fourth time???ARE YOU F*#$ING KIDDING ME???
Really, have you no SHAME???
What the HECK is your PROBLEM???
DAMN YOU,YOU RUIN MY LIFE!!!
b3z
Friday, August 7, 2009
::ANOTHER WEEK GONE::
It's been a week since i make any entry here...
Been Busy...
TRUST=What does this word mean?
I beleive in our lifetime one way or another we always lie...
Lie to Protect our love ones...
Lie to Protect ourself...
Lie for the sake of lying...
Up till today i believe YOU are lying to me...
Yes you are...
Well it could be the TWO of you...
Either both of you are lying to each other or Both of you are lying to me...
Well at this state,after what had happen ,i guess EVERYBODY are lying to me...
BUT Why???
I never lie to you guys,why would you lie to me??
On one side,He said this...
On the other side She said this...
Another party said a total different issue...
Who am i suppose to TRUST?
I have to be extra careful and make sure i am not being cheated again...
Haiz....this is live...
b3z
It's been a week since i make any entry here...
Been Busy...
TRUST=What does this word mean?
I beleive in our lifetime one way or another we always lie...
Lie to Protect our love ones...
Lie to Protect ourself...
Lie for the sake of lying...
Up till today i believe YOU are lying to me...
Yes you are...
Well it could be the TWO of you...
Either both of you are lying to each other or Both of you are lying to me...
Well at this state,after what had happen ,i guess EVERYBODY are lying to me...
BUT Why???
I never lie to you guys,why would you lie to me??
On one side,He said this...
On the other side She said this...
Another party said a total different issue...
Who am i suppose to TRUST?
I have to be extra careful and make sure i am not being cheated again...
Haiz....this is live...
b3z
Sunday, August 2, 2009
::AND THE STORY BEGINS::
A lot of my friends don't really know the personal side of me...
Well maybe my one and only brother Chad...
Yes he knows all about me...
On the surface i may look like this and like that but in reality,you got to talk to me more to really know who i am...
Every questions you ask i will answer truthfully...
I don't and never lie about myself...
In the past weeks i admited i lied about 2 questions that was asked...
This i can't reveal really i am sorry...
Well i always believe that if someone lies to protect others,it's fine.
I DON'T like to LIE ,that's the truth.
I never really have a Steady Girlfriends before...
I hope not to fall in love any time soon...
Because the last one really hurts...
It's over without knowing...It's Complicated...It's STUPID...
IT'S OVER...
No la i don't have any SCANDAL...I only have SANDALS lor...
I am a GOOD BOY really...
ASK AND YOU'LL BE ENLIGHTENED...
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE...
CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH??
b3z
A lot of my friends don't really know the personal side of me...
Well maybe my one and only brother Chad...
Yes he knows all about me...
On the surface i may look like this and like that but in reality,you got to talk to me more to really know who i am...
Every questions you ask i will answer truthfully...
I don't and never lie about myself...
In the past weeks i admited i lied about 2 questions that was asked...
This i can't reveal really i am sorry...
Well i always believe that if someone lies to protect others,it's fine.
I DON'T like to LIE ,that's the truth.
I never really have a Steady Girlfriends before...
I hope not to fall in love any time soon...
Because the last one really hurts...
It's over without knowing...It's Complicated...It's STUPID...
IT'S OVER...
No la i don't have any SCANDAL...I only have SANDALS lor...
I am a GOOD BOY really...
ASK AND YOU'LL BE ENLIGHTENED...
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE...
CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH??
b3z
::MOVING AHEAD::
Soon I'll declare this blog open...
Names will be mentioned...
Hopefully it'll be the most controversial blog i ever had...
I will speak my mind and will tell the whole truth about me,myself...
I will also tell the whole truth about what had happen last 8 months...
It's Complicated,it's Confusing...
However it's non of anyone business what my preferences are...
Seriously if you can't take my criticism,I'd suggest you don't visit my blog and don't read it...
Yup, I'll shoot you down if i think you are overboard...
I'll step on you if you're simply a busy body...
You'll be raped of your dignity if you had betrayed me before...
I've done it before in the past,I'll do it again...
TRUST ME...I'LL DO IT.
My opinion is my own...If you think you wan to retaliate,well,it's your choice my friend...
We can only see people's mistakes but never ours...
I have other eyes to look at my own mistakes...
I accept criticism,i accept comment,I'm open to anything.
I will challenge you if i think my points are stronger...
After all said and done i don't really care what you think of me...
All i ask for is :If you have any doubt,ask and you'll be enlightened,my friend.
2009 Year of Complication,Controversial,Confusion and Chimology...
b3z signing off
Soon I'll declare this blog open...
Names will be mentioned...
Hopefully it'll be the most controversial blog i ever had...
I will speak my mind and will tell the whole truth about me,myself...
I will also tell the whole truth about what had happen last 8 months...
It's Complicated,it's Confusing...
However it's non of anyone business what my preferences are...
Seriously if you can't take my criticism,I'd suggest you don't visit my blog and don't read it...
Yup, I'll shoot you down if i think you are overboard...
I'll step on you if you're simply a busy body...
You'll be raped of your dignity if you had betrayed me before...
I've done it before in the past,I'll do it again...
TRUST ME...I'LL DO IT.
My opinion is my own...If you think you wan to retaliate,well,it's your choice my friend...
We can only see people's mistakes but never ours...
I have other eyes to look at my own mistakes...
I accept criticism,i accept comment,I'm open to anything.
I will challenge you if i think my points are stronger...
After all said and done i don't really care what you think of me...
All i ask for is :If you have any doubt,ask and you'll be enlightened,my friend.
2009 Year of Complication,Controversial,Confusion and Chimology...
b3z signing off
Saturday, August 1, 2009
::31st July 2009::
A busy day at work...Stacks of paper keeps piling up...
Yup it was really a Super busy day...
Best thing was,my Pre-paid card hit the zero dollars...lolx
Meet up with JK and RL after work...
We had planned to have dinner together at Newton...
And and and...JK bring his sis JA along!!!
OMG...Same same sia...lolx
Anyway i really enjoy the night really...
She makes me laugh...ALOT...lolx
RL eat alot...eat until his face turned red sia!!!
We ordered,Stingray,Sotong,Prawn,Kangkong and Sweet & Sour Chicken!!!
As usual...JA would take all pictures of the food before eating...
Best thing i like about JA?She say i am 20 Years old....hahaha...
I am very damn happy sia...
Hmmm but hor i do have to take a few notes next time if we all go dinner again...
1)JK Don't like seafood(yup me also)
2)JK Don't take spicy food(Should eat more spicy ba....good for vocal)
3)JA needs Chilli Sauce
4)JA wants eat dessert using metal spoon
5)JA wants to sing Karaoke in my car
6)Aiyo got one more thing it slip my mind...(will be asking RL later at work lolx) Haha..asked liao JA wants Comb to comb her hair...lolx!!
haha it was a fun and funny day...
On the way home i on my CD and listen to the song titled "Hey Ya"
OMG JA scream same same as the singer sia...lolx
kk got to send dad to work..i will edit this later ya...(edited liao 01.08.09 2050hrs)
A busy day at work...Stacks of paper keeps piling up...
Yup it was really a Super busy day...
Best thing was,my Pre-paid card hit the zero dollars...lolx
Meet up with JK and RL after work...
We had planned to have dinner together at Newton...
And and and...JK bring his sis JA along!!!
OMG...Same same sia...lolx
Anyway i really enjoy the night really...
She makes me laugh...ALOT...lolx
RL eat alot...eat until his face turned red sia!!!
We ordered,Stingray,Sotong,Prawn,Kangkong and Sweet & Sour Chicken!!!
As usual...JA would take all pictures of the food before eating...
Best thing i like about JA?She say i am 20 Years old....hahaha...
I am very damn happy sia...
Hmmm but hor i do have to take a few notes next time if we all go dinner again...
1)JK Don't like seafood(yup me also)
2)JK Don't take spicy food(Should eat more spicy ba....good for vocal)
3)JA needs Chilli Sauce
4)JA wants eat dessert using metal spoon
5)JA wants to sing Karaoke in my car
6)Aiyo got one more thing it slip my mind...(will be asking RL later at work lolx) Haha..asked liao JA wants Comb to comb her hair...lolx!!
haha it was a fun and funny day...
On the way home i on my CD and listen to the song titled "Hey Ya"
OMG JA scream same same as the singer sia...lolx
kk got to send dad to work..i will edit this later ya...(edited liao 01.08.09 2050hrs)
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
::bork chun noi dai mai::
lae laew gor maa teung wun wun tee ter dtong bai
And so that day comes, the day youre going to leave me.
jai buat rao taeb dtaek sa-lai
My heart is so painful, it has almost broken into pieces.
gor roo yung ruk ter yoo dtae mai roo ja haam yung ngai
I know that I still love you, but Ive no idea how to hold you back.
dtong bloi bai prow jai soot ja rung
I have to let you go because I cant stop you.
prow ter kao maa blian blian kwarm ben chun laew took sing
For youve entered into my life and changed everything.
mun mai jing tee ter ja jaak bai
I just cant believe that youre leaving me now.
hua jai jeb buat kae nai mai mee krai roo dtong geb wai yoo leuk kaang nai
No one knows how much pain is inflicted upon me. I have to endure it deep inside my heart.
eek naan mai eek meua rai teung ja leum ter
I wonder how much longer it'll take to forget you.
ja paan keun nee yung ngai kaang gai mai mee ter yoo
How can I make it through the night when youre not by my side?
yaak bork hai roo chun kong dtong dtai taa kaat ter
I just want you to realize that I would rather die if I lose you.
yaak got ter wai naan naan eek suk krung gorn ja jaak
I want to embrace you much longer before you leave.
mun tor-ra maan taeb ja kaat jai
Im suffering so much that my heart is almost shattered.
bork chun noi dai mai gorn tee ter ja jaak bai
Can you please tell me, before you leave.
gorn tee lom hai jai chun ja sin soot wun nee
Before I draw my last breath today.
ker-ee ruk chun baang mai yaak ja taam krung soot tai
Have you ever loved me? I want to ask this for the last time.
gorn keun wun un hode rai ja maa teung
Before the dreadful nights befall me.
bork chun noi dai mai waa tam mai dtong lork chun
Can you please tell me ... why do you deceive me?
taa mai ruk gor bork gun dtung dtae wun nun yaa fun ja dai hua jai
If you dont love me, then you should have told me earlier. "Dont dreaming for my heart
lae laew gor maa teung wun wun tee ter dtong bai
And so that day comes, the day youre going to leave me.
jai buat rao taeb dtaek sa-lai
My heart is so painful, it has almost broken into pieces.
gor roo yung ruk ter yoo dtae mai roo ja haam yung ngai
I know that I still love you, but Ive no idea how to hold you back.
dtong bloi bai prow jai soot ja rung
I have to let you go because I cant stop you.
prow ter kao maa blian blian kwarm ben chun laew took sing
For youve entered into my life and changed everything.
mun mai jing tee ter ja jaak bai
I just cant believe that youre leaving me now.
hua jai jeb buat kae nai mai mee krai roo dtong geb wai yoo leuk kaang nai
No one knows how much pain is inflicted upon me. I have to endure it deep inside my heart.
eek naan mai eek meua rai teung ja leum ter
I wonder how much longer it'll take to forget you.
ja paan keun nee yung ngai kaang gai mai mee ter yoo
How can I make it through the night when youre not by my side?
yaak bork hai roo chun kong dtong dtai taa kaat ter
I just want you to realize that I would rather die if I lose you.
yaak got ter wai naan naan eek suk krung gorn ja jaak
I want to embrace you much longer before you leave.
mun tor-ra maan taeb ja kaat jai
Im suffering so much that my heart is almost shattered.
bork chun noi dai mai gorn tee ter ja jaak bai
Can you please tell me, before you leave.
gorn tee lom hai jai chun ja sin soot wun nee
Before I draw my last breath today.
ker-ee ruk chun baang mai yaak ja taam krung soot tai
Have you ever loved me? I want to ask this for the last time.
gorn keun wun un hode rai ja maa teung
Before the dreadful nights befall me.
bork chun noi dai mai waa tam mai dtong lork chun
Can you please tell me ... why do you deceive me?
taa mai ruk gor bork gun dtung dtae wun nun yaa fun ja dai hua jai
If you dont love me, then you should have told me earlier. "Dont dreaming for my heart
Sunday, July 26, 2009
::The TRUTH is Still out there::
Only TWO out of the many question...
Lie is a must to protect the one i Sayang(even though,i don't Sayang anymore)...
I am Sorry...
b3z
Only TWO out of the many question...
Lie is a must to protect the one i Sayang(even though,i don't Sayang anymore)...
I am Sorry...
b3z
Saturday, July 25, 2009
::The Truth Always Hurts::
Haiz...yes it hurts.
I feel sad for you...
I won't type what had happen...
Having it in my memories will only deteriorate my health...
If you feel sad,i will feel sad together with you...
b3z
Haiz...yes it hurts.
I feel sad for you...
I won't type what had happen...
Having it in my memories will only deteriorate my health...
If you feel sad,i will feel sad together with you...
b3z
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
::5th day::
Its 3:30 am...
I AM WIDE AWAKE!!!!
I took my pain killer which use to knock me out till morning...
20:45 i swollow 2pills...
22:25 i wake up...
WTFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I lost this battle...
I am going to loose more...
I am not even going to put in any effort for future battles...
It will take time for me to find my COURAGE back...
To find my SELF back...
To find my SENSE back...
To take back COMMAND and CONTROL of myself...
Shall i swollow more?
b3z
Its 3:30 am...
I AM WIDE AWAKE!!!!
I took my pain killer which use to knock me out till morning...
20:45 i swollow 2pills...
22:25 i wake up...
WTFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I lost this battle...
I am going to loose more...
I am not even going to put in any effort for future battles...
It will take time for me to find my COURAGE back...
To find my SELF back...
To find my SENSE back...
To take back COMMAND and CONTROL of myself...
Shall i swollow more?
b3z
Monday, July 20, 2009
::SLEEPLESS NITES::
I CANT SLEEP...................
I CANT SLEEP...................
Sunday, July 19, 2009
::I AM SORRY::I DON'T WANT TO BE THE REASON FOR YOUR ARGUMENTS ANYMORE::
I am Scared...
I am Worried...
I am Stressed...
I am Pressurised...
You've add on to my Pressure...
I am having a Terrible Migraine...
Let me make this clear...
NO I NEVER had any relationship with JT...
NO I NEVER give JT money...
Neither did JT ask me for money...
Please STOP asking me PLEASE i beg you...
YES i admit i do like JT but that does not mean i would grab JT away from you...
I am sorry for causing all this trouble...
Its my Fault ...
Its my Fault...
Its my Fault...
I am Sorry...Really Sorry...Deep from my Heart I am Sorry...
Never meant to cause a problem in your life...
To prove my sincerity to you,i will do anything that you ask me to do...
Even if it mean i have to resign and cut all contact with JT...
I am the cause of your constant arguments...
I am the cause of your insecurity...
I am the culprit...
I am now left all alone to defend myself...
After being betrayed,being stabbed and rumoured...
I don't know who to trust...
I don't know who to listen to...
I don't know if the person next to me is pretending...
I don't know anymore...
I feel like swollowing all my pain killer at once...
Hoping it can kill all my pain...
Is 7 pills enough?
If it makes you happy that i am gone...
S please tell me what you wan me to do...
b3z
I am Scared...
I am Worried...
I am Stressed...
I am Pressurised...
You've add on to my Pressure...
I am having a Terrible Migraine...
Let me make this clear...
NO I NEVER had any relationship with JT...
NO I NEVER give JT money...
Neither did JT ask me for money...
Please STOP asking me PLEASE i beg you...
YES i admit i do like JT but that does not mean i would grab JT away from you...
I am sorry for causing all this trouble...
Its my Fault ...
Its my Fault...
Its my Fault...
I am Sorry...Really Sorry...Deep from my Heart I am Sorry...
Never meant to cause a problem in your life...
To prove my sincerity to you,i will do anything that you ask me to do...
Even if it mean i have to resign and cut all contact with JT...
I am the cause of your constant arguments...
I am the cause of your insecurity...
I am the culprit...
I am now left all alone to defend myself...
After being betrayed,being stabbed and rumoured...
I don't know who to trust...
I don't know who to listen to...
I don't know if the person next to me is pretending...
I don't know anymore...
I feel like swollowing all my pain killer at once...
Hoping it can kill all my pain...
Is 7 pills enough?
If it makes you happy that i am gone...
S please tell me what you wan me to do...
b3z
Saturday, July 18, 2009
::Tough 3 MONTHS::
Today,i am glad that one of my problems are showing good response...
JK thanks...It's been a tough Three months for me really...
To loose someone you Love is replaceable...
But a Friend is never replaceable...
Loosing both is already hard on me...
Hope you understand my issues...
There are so many other things in my mind right now...
This are all my personal problems in which i have to solve it myself...
One thing i learnt is to keep my problem to myself...
You will never know who your friend is...
You will never know who your enemy is...
You will never know who the imposter is...
After yesterday incident,my stress level went up and i have worst migraine ever...
I did not sleep on thursday and yesterday i close my eyes for like 2 hours...
Today my back pain get worst again...haiz...
Physically my health is not that good...
Mentally my mind is confused...
Emotionally i am very sensitive...
Today i have the 3rd person that said "You are going into state of Depression"
If one day that really happen...i don't know what to do...
Sometimes when we listen to other people's problems...
We can always give them advice...
However if we really are in the situation,i don't think we can cope with it...
I always tell myself to decide base on logic and feeling...
Now...both logic and feeling are failing me...
Now i am on the verge of just swollowing anything that can make me sleep...
I still have a few here and there...
b3z
Today,i am glad that one of my problems are showing good response...
JK thanks...It's been a tough Three months for me really...
To loose someone you Love is replaceable...
But a Friend is never replaceable...
Loosing both is already hard on me...
Hope you understand my issues...
There are so many other things in my mind right now...
This are all my personal problems in which i have to solve it myself...
One thing i learnt is to keep my problem to myself...
You will never know who your friend is...
You will never know who your enemy is...
You will never know who the imposter is...
After yesterday incident,my stress level went up and i have worst migraine ever...
I did not sleep on thursday and yesterday i close my eyes for like 2 hours...
Today my back pain get worst again...haiz...
Physically my health is not that good...
Mentally my mind is confused...
Emotionally i am very sensitive...
Today i have the 3rd person that said "You are going into state of Depression"
If one day that really happen...i don't know what to do...
Sometimes when we listen to other people's problems...
We can always give them advice...
However if we really are in the situation,i don't think we can cope with it...
I always tell myself to decide base on logic and feeling...
Now...both logic and feeling are failing me...
Now i am on the verge of just swollowing anything that can make me sleep...
I still have a few here and there...
b3z
Friday, July 17, 2009
::THE DAY MY HEARTBEAT STOPPED...FOR A MOMENT::
17/07/2009 18:30
An SMS beep in...
My worst nightmare...
Even though i expecting this for very long...
Haiz...once again i am in the middle...
Eventually it will be about me...
Questions after questions bombarded...
It ends(temporary) One hour later...
b3z
17/07/2009 18:30
An SMS beep in...
My worst nightmare...
Even though i expecting this for very long...
Haiz...once again i am in the middle...
Eventually it will be about me...
Questions after questions bombarded...
It ends(temporary) One hour later...
b3z
Thursday, July 16, 2009
::THE MASK IN EVERYBODY::
The true fact of life is,you think you know someone very well but there is always somethings that are only know by oneself.Yes i am one of them,however i don't like to keep things hanging in the air.I prefer to be asked for enlightenment to a doubt that others have about me.Most of the time people would just shoot blank ammunition and hoping to hit the bull's eyes.Yup it happened to me.I did not realise that they are actually lying.Lying to me to get the truth out of me.This to me is a cheap shot way,truly no respect given to me at all.When ever i use the word "Yes i already know" .It really mean i really knows.Some use that sentence just to get more out of me.
I really very disappointed when i am telling the truth,nobody want to believe however if i lied,they would believe it.I was like "Wow must i lie my whole life to satisfy people?".This reminded me of an advertisement on TV about CLASS95.The one when the girl was taking her class 3 lesson.Let people here what they want to hear.I am not a liar,yet people call me a liar just because i am telling the truth.
b3z
The true fact of life is,you think you know someone very well but there is always somethings that are only know by oneself.Yes i am one of them,however i don't like to keep things hanging in the air.I prefer to be asked for enlightenment to a doubt that others have about me.Most of the time people would just shoot blank ammunition and hoping to hit the bull's eyes.Yup it happened to me.I did not realise that they are actually lying.Lying to me to get the truth out of me.This to me is a cheap shot way,truly no respect given to me at all.When ever i use the word "Yes i already know" .It really mean i really knows.Some use that sentence just to get more out of me.
I really very disappointed when i am telling the truth,nobody want to believe however if i lied,they would believe it.I was like "Wow must i lie my whole life to satisfy people?".This reminded me of an advertisement on TV about CLASS95.The one when the girl was taking her class 3 lesson.Let people here what they want to hear.I am not a liar,yet people call me a liar just because i am telling the truth.
b3z
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
::What went wrong again?::
Past 2 weeks i been noticing that my hand have been trembling every now and then...
No one notice until today...
We were at the smoking point...
VT past me 8piece of 2dollars notes...
I took a few more piece of 2dollars notes from my wallet and want to put it all together...
half folded...
SH saw me having difficulty trying to flip the notes for counting...
After 5 attempt then i manage to flip the first piece...
"Eh brother what happen to you?" SH asked me
"I have no idea,been having this for about 2 weeks" i replied
"I think its because of your medication bro,you better see your Doctor again"
"Maybe the pain killer is too strong for you"
All this while,ex-Sayang was there too listening.
I told SH that that pain killer have side effect...i have terrible migraine the morning after...
SH said "Confirm the medicine is too strong for you"
Haiz...what happen??
My health is deteriorating...Slowly but surely...
Maybe my worst nightmare is coming closer...
Beyond 3Zero...An uphill task...How far can you go?
Once you drop,its gonna be hard for you to get up again...
b3z
Past 2 weeks i been noticing that my hand have been trembling every now and then...
No one notice until today...
We were at the smoking point...
VT past me 8piece of 2dollars notes...
I took a few more piece of 2dollars notes from my wallet and want to put it all together...
half folded...
SH saw me having difficulty trying to flip the notes for counting...
After 5 attempt then i manage to flip the first piece...
"Eh brother what happen to you?" SH asked me
"I have no idea,been having this for about 2 weeks" i replied
"I think its because of your medication bro,you better see your Doctor again"
"Maybe the pain killer is too strong for you"
All this while,ex-Sayang was there too listening.
I told SH that that pain killer have side effect...i have terrible migraine the morning after...
SH said "Confirm the medicine is too strong for you"
Haiz...what happen??
My health is deteriorating...Slowly but surely...
Maybe my worst nightmare is coming closer...
Beyond 3Zero...An uphill task...How far can you go?
Once you drop,its gonna be hard for you to get up again...
b3z
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
:: To Find Someone To Love Is Not As Difficult As To Get Someone To Love You Back::
14 years to be exact...Yes. 14 years ago was the last time it happen.
The first time was in the year 1994,i was just 17.
She was this sweet,cute chinese girl.I tried.I failed.
Then come along this decent,soft spoken,good manners,sweet and pretty smile malay girl.
I tried and i tried and i tried...i failed..1995.
April 23rd 2009 , 14 years after,the feeling came again...
However, i was very dissapointed with myself,
This time i made the wrong choice...wasted alot of effort...
This time i hate myself for having this feeling...
To have this feeling again after 14years and get the wrong person is totally heartbroken...
I don't know when it will happen again...
I hope the 4th time will be a serious 2way traffic...
L.O.V.E I.S B.L.I.N.D
it's true,it's true
b3z
14 years to be exact...Yes. 14 years ago was the last time it happen.
The first time was in the year 1994,i was just 17.
She was this sweet,cute chinese girl.I tried.I failed.
Then come along this decent,soft spoken,good manners,sweet and pretty smile malay girl.
I tried and i tried and i tried...i failed..1995.
April 23rd 2009 , 14 years after,the feeling came again...
However, i was very dissapointed with myself,
This time i made the wrong choice...wasted alot of effort...
This time i hate myself for having this feeling...
To have this feeling again after 14years and get the wrong person is totally heartbroken...
I don't know when it will happen again...
I hope the 4th time will be a serious 2way traffic...
L.O.V.E I.S B.L.I.N.D
it's true,it's true
b3z
Monday, July 13, 2009
Once again i say :
All i need is a little bit of effort,Even if it means you are just PRETENDING...
Tough?WHATEVER!!
Another day to go through...
Annoyed & Irritated...
Wish for a better day..
b3z
All i need is a little bit of effort,Even if it means you are just PRETENDING...
Tough?WHATEVER!!
Another day to go through...
Annoyed & Irritated...
Wish for a better day..
b3z
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sayang even though we are no longer together...
I will still Sayang Sayang...
Its hard for me to forget Sayang,
Because Sayang is the one and only Sayang for me...
4 1/2 weeks...
I miss Sayang my Sayang...
I miss talking to my Sayang...
I miss SMSing my Sayang...
I miss a lot of thing Sayang...
I don't know why i Sayang my Sayang...
I don't know why i choose Sayang...
I don't know why Sayang...
Its a feeling that is hard to explain...
If my heart can talk for its self,
I will let my heart explain to you...
If feeling can be explain instead of expressing..
I'll let it to explain to you...
If only...
Sayang my Sayang no matter what...
I Sayang SAYANG...
In our life no matter what happen,
We will never forget certain incident or event...
This chapter of my life with Sayang will be remembered forever...
Sayang will be in my heart always and forever...
No one can make me forget Sayang...
No one...No one...
Sayang my Sayang more and more each day...
Sayang SAYANG...
b3z
I will still Sayang Sayang...
Its hard for me to forget Sayang,
Because Sayang is the one and only Sayang for me...
4 1/2 weeks...
I miss Sayang my Sayang...
I miss talking to my Sayang...
I miss SMSing my Sayang...
I miss a lot of thing Sayang...
I don't know why i Sayang my Sayang...
I don't know why i choose Sayang...
I don't know why Sayang...
Its a feeling that is hard to explain...
If my heart can talk for its self,
I will let my heart explain to you...
If feeling can be explain instead of expressing..
I'll let it to explain to you...
If only...
Sayang my Sayang no matter what...
I Sayang SAYANG...
In our life no matter what happen,
We will never forget certain incident or event...
This chapter of my life with Sayang will be remembered forever...
Sayang will be in my heart always and forever...
No one can make me forget Sayang...
No one...No one...
Sayang my Sayang more and more each day...
Sayang SAYANG...
b3z
Thursday, July 9, 2009
"There is a lumbar scoliosis noted convex to the right.
Narrowing of the L5-S1 disc space however is present. "
This is the caused of my pain.
Possiblity of slip disc...
Dr. prescripe me with Tramadol /Acugesic 50mg...
Bad day today...
No Sayang to Sayang me...
No Sayang to Comfort me...
No Sayang for me to lean on...
Haiz...
Nevermind...Take one day at a time...
Crawl if i have to...
All i know is that if i ever fall down again or over exert myself...
I would be in deep trouble...
Haiz...
b3z
Narrowing of the L5-S1 disc space however is present. "
This is the caused of my pain.
Possiblity of slip disc...
Dr. prescripe me with Tramadol /Acugesic 50mg...
Bad day today...
No Sayang to Sayang me...
No Sayang to Comfort me...
No Sayang for me to lean on...
Haiz...
Nevermind...Take one day at a time...
Crawl if i have to...
All i know is that if i ever fall down again or over exert myself...
I would be in deep trouble...
Haiz...
b3z
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
8th July 2009-I am good to go,yes i am 95% fit...
I still got my medicine on standby just in case the pain erupt again.
Since last Saturday ,the pain has been mild...I felt tense on and off...
Oh well i already went for the X-Ray anyway,just hope for the best...
Actually on the way to do my X-ray i almost fall again...
Was walking down the stairs but didn't realise that there is still one more step to go...
So my body jerk forward...There goes the pain again...
Not that painful but it felt weird...
Nevermind,i am waiting for the Doctor to call me today or tomorrow...
I have been having nigthmare...I undergo a surgery for my back and sumthing went wrong...
It's just a dream ...Don't worry too much la...
Don't you all notice something weird?Haha
Yup i know i have not mention my Sayang for days right?
No no i will not mention that much lor...
Soon i will miss my Sayang again...
No Choice it has to happen...
Sayang will be gone for a week...
After that if i go for my Operation,if needed, i will be away too...
I can't and i won't give 100% anymore in this relationship...
I have to control myself...
I should let go by right...
I was stupid and still am untill i let everthing go and move on...
b3z
I still got my medicine on standby just in case the pain erupt again.
Since last Saturday ,the pain has been mild...I felt tense on and off...
Oh well i already went for the X-Ray anyway,just hope for the best...
Actually on the way to do my X-ray i almost fall again...
Was walking down the stairs but didn't realise that there is still one more step to go...
So my body jerk forward...There goes the pain again...
Not that painful but it felt weird...
Nevermind,i am waiting for the Doctor to call me today or tomorrow...
I have been having nigthmare...I undergo a surgery for my back and sumthing went wrong...
It's just a dream ...Don't worry too much la...
Don't you all notice something weird?Haha
Yup i know i have not mention my Sayang for days right?
No no i will not mention that much lor...
Soon i will miss my Sayang again...
No Choice it has to happen...
Sayang will be gone for a week...
After that if i go for my Operation,if needed, i will be away too...
I can't and i won't give 100% anymore in this relationship...
I have to control myself...
I should let go by right...
I was stupid and still am untill i let everthing go and move on...
b3z
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Down and out since Sunday...
Today 7th July 09 i am 85% recovered,
Hopefully by tomorrow morning i am 95% fit.
Now awaiting my X-Ray results,hopefully i am okay.
In my mind right now is just my back pain problem...
For 7 weeks i been having this pain,
Don't come and tell me it's nothing,
Because the pain is really irritating...
Hope its not Slip Disc...
Hope its just other problem that require minor surgery.
I know how i injured my back and i know when it gets worst.
I injured it on the 19th May at around 1620hrs...
I aggravate the injury on the 10th June during my ICT when i had a fall...
It was hell after that.
I feel like quitting my job and just rest at home...
b3z
Today 7th July 09 i am 85% recovered,
Hopefully by tomorrow morning i am 95% fit.
Now awaiting my X-Ray results,hopefully i am okay.
In my mind right now is just my back pain problem...
For 7 weeks i been having this pain,
Don't come and tell me it's nothing,
Because the pain is really irritating...
Hope its not Slip Disc...
Hope its just other problem that require minor surgery.
I know how i injured my back and i know when it gets worst.
I injured it on the 19th May at around 1620hrs...
I aggravate the injury on the 10th June during my ICT when i had a fall...
It was hell after that.
I feel like quitting my job and just rest at home...
b3z
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Flu,Fever and Cough...
Going to X-Ray tml...
b3z
Going to X-Ray tml...
b3z
Flu,Fever and Cough...
Going to X-Ray tml...
b3z
Going to X-Ray tml...
b3z
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Saturday 4th July....Never work today..Hopefully can rest for two days.
Nephews and Niece are here today...
Going out with the later...Update this blog later lor
b3z
Nephews and Niece are here today...
Going out with the later...Update this blog later lor
b3z
Friday, July 3, 2009
I've been thinking past few days about my Sayang...
I roughly know the situation...
I am not as stupid as when it first begin...
Although i am still stupid...
Yes i am so stupid...
Really,stupidity begins with oneself,
If one think carefully before any action,
One won't look stupid...
Where the hack is my thinking cap??!!!!
b3z
I roughly know the situation...
I am not as stupid as when it first begin...
Although i am still stupid...
Yes i am so stupid...
Really,stupidity begins with oneself,
If one think carefully before any action,
One won't look stupid...
Where the hack is my thinking cap??!!!!
b3z
PAIN...PAIN...PAIN
Its getting from bad to worst...
Can someone help me please...
Indescribable pain...
No more medicine...
I 'm a dead man...
HELP ME PLEASE....
Cap...no gel...no talk...whatever...
b3z
Its getting from bad to worst...
Can someone help me please...
Indescribable pain...
No more medicine...
I 'm a dead man...
HELP ME PLEASE....
Cap...no gel...no talk...whatever...
b3z
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
01.07.09 06:15
Today i am worried that my pain will continue...
Yesterday i work through the pain...
Only 2 or maybe 3 people there knows i have back problem...
But non of them knows i am in pain...
Its my first day yesterday,Sayang did advice me to go hospital for check up...
I told Sayang that it is not nice to take MC just after starting at new place...
Sayang understand what i mean...
Whole day sitting in air-conditioned office...
Let's see what's today is like...
See ya i am off to work...
b3z
Today i am worried that my pain will continue...
Yesterday i work through the pain...
Only 2 or maybe 3 people there knows i have back problem...
But non of them knows i am in pain...
Its my first day yesterday,Sayang did advice me to go hospital for check up...
I told Sayang that it is not nice to take MC just after starting at new place...
Sayang understand what i mean...
Whole day sitting in air-conditioned office...
Let's see what's today is like...
See ya i am off to work...
b3z
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
30th June 2009 17:38 Sayang Sayang...
Today is my first day at my new place...
Wow a lot of things need to be done...
Spend hours in front of the System till 17:45 i am still working...
It's ok i am very very very very damn F*#ing happy today...
Found my Sayang back...
Sayang my only Sayang...
Sayang Sayang again and again Sayang my only Sayang...
Must i say more?:):):):):):):):):):):):):)
b3z
Today is my first day at my new place...
Wow a lot of things need to be done...
Spend hours in front of the System till 17:45 i am still working...
It's ok i am very very very very damn F*#ing happy today...
Found my Sayang back...
Sayang my only Sayang...
Sayang Sayang again and again Sayang my only Sayang...
Must i say more?:):):):):):):):):):):):):)
b3z
Monday, June 29, 2009
30th June 2009,that is tomorrow date.
New work place,New people,New Friends??
I think people are confuse...
Define FRIEND...
Define COLLEAGUE...
Define ACQUAINTANCE..
Define PARTNER...
To me:
FRIEND=Someone who you spent your FREE time with,Someone who share things with you,Someone who give you good advice when needed.Someone who don't take advantage of you.Someone who never look down at you and many others point.
COLLEAGUE=Some who work with you and eventually will gossip about you,Never trust a colleague that much because,the more they know about you,the more gossip they CREATED about you.When you say "Don't tell anyone" they tot you give them the green light to spread.
Well to be fair,not all are like that.Guys don't gossip as much as Girls BUT,Once they do,the gossip is rude and obscene.I am talking about you OLDMAN!!Yes you.A 60 year old man GOSSIP???OMFG.
ACQUAINTANCE=Someone you know for 5mins and meet like 15mins in total in One Calender Year.
PARTNER=SAYANG.
Different people define things differently(Use your dictionary when in doubt).
A COLLEAGUE of mine become a FRIEND then become my PARTNER but it doesn't last long.
Its HIStory now...
b3z
New work place,New people,New Friends??
I think people are confuse...
Define FRIEND...
Define COLLEAGUE...
Define ACQUAINTANCE..
Define PARTNER...
To me:
FRIEND=Someone who you spent your FREE time with,Someone who share things with you,Someone who give you good advice when needed.Someone who don't take advantage of you.Someone who never look down at you and many others point.
COLLEAGUE=Some who work with you and eventually will gossip about you,Never trust a colleague that much because,the more they know about you,the more gossip they CREATED about you.When you say "Don't tell anyone" they tot you give them the green light to spread.
Well to be fair,not all are like that.Guys don't gossip as much as Girls BUT,Once they do,the gossip is rude and obscene.I am talking about you OLDMAN!!Yes you.A 60 year old man GOSSIP???OMFG.
ACQUAINTANCE=Someone you know for 5mins and meet like 15mins in total in One Calender Year.
PARTNER=SAYANG.
Different people define things differently(Use your dictionary when in doubt).
A COLLEAGUE of mine become a FRIEND then become my PARTNER but it doesn't last long.
Its HIStory now...
b3z
If the Rainbow refuse to show with its colour,
Only then will i admit our Love is Gone,
Only then will i admit our Love is Hopeless,
The fact of life...
The Bitterness of Hope...
b3z
If the Sun refuse to share the heat,
Only then will i admit our Love is Gone,
Only then will i admit our Love is Hopeless,
The fact of life...
The Bitterness of Hope...
You are the symbol of this Tragic Sunken Love,
I am in the Ship of this Tragic Sunken Love,
Awaiting new memories...
b3z
Went back to office today to clear my table...
Meet up with RL at makan area...
Chat with PKF,LFW,SM,WZ and JS there...
Left the place at 10:00plus...
Received a msg from a friend...
It says "Maybe its just me but for some unknown reason i'm still seeing your car here"
Haha i replied "yeah baby i'm here to clear my stuff"
We chatted,he bought coffee for me (thks dude)and i left at around 11:00
Now at home,going out again with nephew,jalan-jalan...
Let's see whats the rest of the day is like for me...
See ya...
b3z
Meet up with RL at makan area...
Chat with PKF,LFW,SM,WZ and JS there...
Left the place at 10:00plus...
Received a msg from a friend...
It says "Maybe its just me but for some unknown reason i'm still seeing your car here"
Haha i replied "yeah baby i'm here to clear my stuff"
We chatted,he bought coffee for me (thks dude)and i left at around 11:00
Now at home,going out again with nephew,jalan-jalan...
Let's see whats the rest of the day is like for me...
See ya...
b3z
Yup today 29th June 2009,What's so special?
The pain is back,have to endure because no more medicine available...
I am going back to my current work place to clear my table(lols i promise my understudy that i would do it weeks ago...Sorry hehe)
Then maybe i would drive to Yishun 7-11 to buy Toto...
The last time i am on OFF on Monday,i drove there and buy Toto...
I STRIKE!!!!Big amount ,i am not going to tell you guys how much la hehe...
Yessssss i bleach my hair to lighter Brown...
But my hair is 2by 1 sia,damn short...
Shall i drop by my new place?
Hmmm i don't think i should...
There are TWO reason why i have to go there..
There is a small gathering during lunch and I am invited...
Plus i need to raise one maintenance job...
At this stage if i go over,knowing that i am on off,
He would think that i purposely come back just to see HIM...
Please lor...Well i don't blame him for thinking that way...
Nah...let's not talk about him...
Today is Just another day for me...Reminds me of Jon Secada song...haha
b3z
The pain is back,have to endure because no more medicine available...
I am going back to my current work place to clear my table(lols i promise my understudy that i would do it weeks ago...Sorry hehe)
Then maybe i would drive to Yishun 7-11 to buy Toto...
The last time i am on OFF on Monday,i drove there and buy Toto...
I STRIKE!!!!Big amount ,i am not going to tell you guys how much la hehe...
Yessssss i bleach my hair to lighter Brown...
But my hair is 2by 1 sia,damn short...
Shall i drop by my new place?
Hmmm i don't think i should...
There are TWO reason why i have to go there..
There is a small gathering during lunch and I am invited...
Plus i need to raise one maintenance job...
At this stage if i go over,knowing that i am on off,
He would think that i purposely come back just to see HIM...
Please lor...Well i don't blame him for thinking that way...
Nah...let's not talk about him...
Today is Just another day for me...Reminds me of Jon Secada song...haha
b3z
Sunday, June 28, 2009
No point having someone in the contact list if that someone refuse to talk to you right?
Well yesterday i made my own decision to delete you off from my MSN.
Yup not "Block" but "Delete".
Well i guess you don't deserve to be in my Facebook either dude.
I am very open to any conversation.
I talk openly,however if my friends cant accept it,they are free to give me a tap on my shoulder and say "Beb,wah you are going overboard"
My reply would usually be "Oh Sorry,didn't know its too 'over' sorry beb"
Its simple..i am still wiling to accept you as my friend.
Only if you are willing to be mine.
Re-add me in facebook if you are my friend,if not ,i am ok with it dude.
At least i know which of my friends are sincere friends.
If i don't deserve to be your friends,You are no better to be mine.
I am not being sulky.I am being logical.
Don't pretend,even if you pretend,please at least put in a little bit of effort.
ALL I NEED IS A LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT FROM YOU,EVEN IF IT'S PRETENDING.
b3z
Well yesterday i made my own decision to delete you off from my MSN.
Yup not "Block" but "Delete".
Well i guess you don't deserve to be in my Facebook either dude.
I am very open to any conversation.
I talk openly,however if my friends cant accept it,they are free to give me a tap on my shoulder and say "Beb,wah you are going overboard"
My reply would usually be "Oh Sorry,didn't know its too 'over' sorry beb"
Its simple..i am still wiling to accept you as my friend.
Only if you are willing to be mine.
Re-add me in facebook if you are my friend,if not ,i am ok with it dude.
At least i know which of my friends are sincere friends.
If i don't deserve to be your friends,You are no better to be mine.
I am not being sulky.I am being logical.
Don't pretend,even if you pretend,please at least put in a little bit of effort.
ALL I NEED IS A LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT FROM YOU,EVEN IF IT'S PRETENDING.
b3z
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Today will be my last working day at my current location.I will be on OFF on Monday and will be reporting to work at my new location on Tuesday.Said my goodbye's to some people yesterday morning.I went over to my new work place in the afternoon to assist them in doing a few system transaction.I was there from 14:30 till 17:00 .The transaction took just 15mins but due to their busy schedule ,i had to wait.Yup i saw a few familiar faces there.Chatted with and old colleague from my army days.Lols..he was a 3SG when i know him ,now he's a SSG surpassing my own rank.
Jokingly i said to him "Eh ,so now i must call you Encik la?"
Laughing,he said something like what i always preach...Rank is just temporary...
Yes i did talk to HIM a few sentence i guess.
Yes i went to HIS store and check the Serial Number.
Yes HE said "Adios" to me before i leave.
Yes HE replied ONE msg.
No HE never reply the next TWO msg.
Thank you for not replying it makes things much more easier for me.
However i always believe that One Should be Gentlemen enough to settle Issues.
Yesterday is Today's History
Today is Yesterday's Tomorrow
Tomorrow is Today's Future.
b3z
Jokingly i said to him "Eh ,so now i must call you Encik la?"
Laughing,he said something like what i always preach...Rank is just temporary...
Yes i did talk to HIM a few sentence i guess.
Yes i went to HIS store and check the Serial Number.
Yes HE said "Adios" to me before i leave.
Yes HE replied ONE msg.
No HE never reply the next TWO msg.
Thank you for not replying it makes things much more easier for me.
However i always believe that One Should be Gentlemen enough to settle Issues.
Yesterday is Today's History
Today is Yesterday's Tomorrow
Tomorrow is Today's Future.
b3z
Friday, June 26, 2009
Only one.The one and only...There can never be a Second one...
No can can replace Sayang...Really no one...
I 've let Sayang go...Sayang never come back to me...
So i have to forget Sayang...
Yes both of us are going to work at the same place soon...
But after what i saw today, i think i shouldn't have any problem.
Sayang had blended well with the people there...
I will be in office doing all the accounts and admin so we won't have direct contact...
Hopefully in a few weeks time, everything is sorted out...
Sayang with immediate effect,since there have been no respond from you for 4weeks...
I treat as we had officially break off...
I will be shedding of any remaining feelings that i had for you in the next couple of days...
It's been hard for me but i have to take it...
I know Sayang don't know i have this blog...It's best if Sayang never get to know about it.
In fact only a handful of my friends know i have this blog...
The purpose of me writing is to just express myself...
I got no one to talk to anymore...
No one that understand and no one that care...
People may think i am crazy...
One day,the same thing will happen to them...
Some people just judge and come to an immediate conclusion without analysing...
I always say "If you have any doubt about anything,Ask and you'll be enlighten"
I don't like to leave things hanging in the air...
Right now,there is only one thing left hanging in the air...
I don't think i am able to clear 1 issue...
This will be the only thing in the last 12years that i am unable to resolve...
I failed...It ok,we learn from our mistakes...and move on...
Rest assured that i will not mention any names...
To protect the identity of people involve and for my own privacy...
b3z
No can can replace Sayang...Really no one...
I 've let Sayang go...Sayang never come back to me...
So i have to forget Sayang...
Yes both of us are going to work at the same place soon...
But after what i saw today, i think i shouldn't have any problem.
Sayang had blended well with the people there...
I will be in office doing all the accounts and admin so we won't have direct contact...
Hopefully in a few weeks time, everything is sorted out...
Sayang with immediate effect,since there have been no respond from you for 4weeks...
I treat as we had officially break off...
I will be shedding of any remaining feelings that i had for you in the next couple of days...
It's been hard for me but i have to take it...
I know Sayang don't know i have this blog...It's best if Sayang never get to know about it.
In fact only a handful of my friends know i have this blog...
The purpose of me writing is to just express myself...
I got no one to talk to anymore...
No one that understand and no one that care...
People may think i am crazy...
One day,the same thing will happen to them...
Some people just judge and come to an immediate conclusion without analysing...
I always say "If you have any doubt about anything,Ask and you'll be enlighten"
I don't like to leave things hanging in the air...
Right now,there is only one thing left hanging in the air...
I don't think i am able to clear 1 issue...
This will be the only thing in the last 12years that i am unable to resolve...
I failed...It ok,we learn from our mistakes...and move on...
Rest assured that i will not mention any names...
To protect the identity of people involve and for my own privacy...
b3z
Thursday, June 25, 2009
In life there should be someone giving and someone taking...
I know most of the time i am giving...
I had give in a lot of times...
I was taught to accept mistakes and admit...
I was taught to listen and analyse...
I was taught to identify problems...
I was taught on how to communicate...
I was taught to be humble...
I was also taught on how to be tough...
But i feel that i had failed to establish communication after accepting and admitting my mistakes hoping to identify the problems by listening so that i can analyse the issue and not repeat the same mistakes again...
Oh well, everyday is a learning day,we only stop learning the day we die...
So what's up today you might ask...Hmmm lets see...
No pain(most of the day 95%),
Saw Sayang(30-45mins),
Discovered that someone knows something that they not suppose to know(20mins before day end),
Overall its almost a good day.
Yup this saturday will be last working day at the current location.
Been here since march/april last year , its sad to leave friends behind...haiz
New place,new friends...everything new....sian
No i did not request for the new posting...
No it was not projected...
I was silently "forced" out by the Queens...
Haiz...that's all for now...
b3z
I know most of the time i am giving...
I had give in a lot of times...
I was taught to accept mistakes and admit...
I was taught to listen and analyse...
I was taught to identify problems...
I was taught on how to communicate...
I was taught to be humble...
I was also taught on how to be tough...
But i feel that i had failed to establish communication after accepting and admitting my mistakes hoping to identify the problems by listening so that i can analyse the issue and not repeat the same mistakes again...
Oh well, everyday is a learning day,we only stop learning the day we die...
So what's up today you might ask...Hmmm lets see...
No pain(most of the day 95%),
Saw Sayang(30-45mins),
Discovered that someone knows something that they not suppose to know(20mins before day end),
Overall its almost a good day.
Yup this saturday will be last working day at the current location.
Been here since march/april last year , its sad to leave friends behind...haiz
New place,new friends...everything new....sian
No i did not request for the new posting...
No it was not projected...
I was silently "forced" out by the Queens...
Haiz...that's all for now...
b3z
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Haiz...Stop whining and go see a specialist...
I have my reasons for delaying...
Call me whatever you want ,as far as i am concern,
My thinking is definately different from yours...
Everybody is different,so if i can't change your mind...
What makes you think, you can change mine??!!
In everybody's life there is definately something or someone that you are waiting for...
In everybody's life there is surely the special one that had slip off...
Mine slip off years ago...
Yup i am looking for her,hoping to just say "Hi hello,how are to?" to a friend that i lost nearly One half decades ago...
Oh well i just want to meet all my old friends and chit chat...
Seeing the school photo in my friend facebook,rekindle many old memories...
Got to go to work...
Hope today won' be so bad.
All my post are in general,not directing to anyone in particular,unless otherwise stated...
If you feel the pinch,oh well ,the pain is yours not mine...
I Don't care,I Don't know,I Don't want to know and I Don't give a DAMN!!
b3z
I have my reasons for delaying...
Call me whatever you want ,as far as i am concern,
My thinking is definately different from yours...
Everybody is different,so if i can't change your mind...
What makes you think, you can change mine??!!
In everybody's life there is definately something or someone that you are waiting for...
In everybody's life there is surely the special one that had slip off...
Mine slip off years ago...
Yup i am looking for her,hoping to just say "Hi hello,how are to?" to a friend that i lost nearly One half decades ago...
Oh well i just want to meet all my old friends and chit chat...
Seeing the school photo in my friend facebook,rekindle many old memories...
Got to go to work...
Hope today won' be so bad.
All my post are in general,not directing to anyone in particular,unless otherwise stated...
If you feel the pinch,oh well ,the pain is yours not mine...
I Don't care,I Don't know,I Don't want to know and I Don't give a DAMN!!
b3z
Excruciating pain...left leg twitching...right hip still "partying"...
Left,centre,right back very very tense...
Its all over the place...i thought i was stubborn,but this pain is more stubborn...
Pop in 3pills at noon....rest in my car for 30minutes...
Sat at once corner of the washing bay trying to channel the pain away...
Went back to office because of some laptop issues...
"Why you look like a dead fish?" a colleague asked...i turned and look at her ,answering her question minutes later ..."I--t-o-o-k-- p-a-i-n k-i-l-l-e-r-- a-n-d-- m-u-s-c-l-e-- r-e-l-a-x-e-r"
Draging my words...
From 9am i endure...by noon i give up and surrender to medication...
It subside up to now 830pm...
A friend posted this in her facebook...it makes sense...
"Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about"
For now let me battle this pain...
b3z
Left,centre,right back very very tense...
Its all over the place...i thought i was stubborn,but this pain is more stubborn...
Pop in 3pills at noon....rest in my car for 30minutes...
Sat at once corner of the washing bay trying to channel the pain away...
Went back to office because of some laptop issues...
"Why you look like a dead fish?" a colleague asked...i turned and look at her ,answering her question minutes later ..."I--t-o-o-k-- p-a-i-n k-i-l-l-e-r-- a-n-d-- m-u-s-c-l-e-- r-e-l-a-x-e-r"
Draging my words...
From 9am i endure...by noon i give up and surrender to medication...
It subside up to now 830pm...
A friend posted this in her facebook...it makes sense...
"Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about"
For now let me battle this pain...
b3z
As the seconds went by i get more and more anxious about my future...
By end of today,i am left with 4.5 working days at my current place...
Slept at 2am...woke up at 330am...sleep again then wake up at 430am and never sleep since.. What happen to me?Haiz i am unable to answer that...
Is the sleepless nights back again?
Is the 'not hungry' phase back too?
I told myself that i am giving myself till end august...
If i can't sort my problems,i guess i should leave and find a new environment...
Ok enough said for this morning,going to work...
Will i have a good day?
I let you know in the evening...
b3z
By end of today,i am left with 4.5 working days at my current place...
Slept at 2am...woke up at 330am...sleep again then wake up at 430am and never sleep since.. What happen to me?Haiz i am unable to answer that...
Is the sleepless nights back again?
Is the 'not hungry' phase back too?
I told myself that i am giving myself till end august...
If i can't sort my problems,i guess i should leave and find a new environment...
Ok enough said for this morning,going to work...
Will i have a good day?
I let you know in the evening...
b3z
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
0825 to 0845 Spent 20mins seaching for parking lot...
0900 to 1030 Manage to find things to do IW39 Yeah!!!!
1030 to 1200 Have to take a break because the pain is "partying" on my right hip...:(
1200 to 1330 Went for lunch with RL.
1330 to 1500 Drew a picture of kampung lifestyle..well the ES is down so i can't continue with work....
1500 to 1700 Pretend to be busy??
1700 to 1730 Anxiously waiting to punch out hahaha
However today is really a weird day for me.
Yes i wanted to say "Hi" but what the reaction will be?
By pass each other a few times...nothing..
I guess its fated...
I will keep saying sorry everyday if that is what required because i know its my fault....
I am left with 6 working days at my current location...
I will leave with a heavy heart,knowing that i made a mistake,mistake that still not forgiven...
I leave heavy heart..i reach(new place) my heart will drop..haiz....
I wish i can continue wearing the 10strips...with that on i won't have such issues..
I am much stronger(mentally) in it..
We shall see what tomorrow is....
Tomorrow is yesterday's, today
0900 to 1030 Manage to find things to do IW39 Yeah!!!!
1030 to 1200 Have to take a break because the pain is "partying" on my right hip...:(
1200 to 1330 Went for lunch with RL.
1330 to 1500 Drew a picture of kampung lifestyle..well the ES is down so i can't continue with work....
1500 to 1700 Pretend to be busy??
1700 to 1730 Anxiously waiting to punch out hahaha
However today is really a weird day for me.
Yes i wanted to say "Hi" but what the reaction will be?
By pass each other a few times...nothing..
I guess its fated...
I will keep saying sorry everyday if that is what required because i know its my fault....
I am left with 6 working days at my current location...
I will leave with a heavy heart,knowing that i made a mistake,mistake that still not forgiven...
I leave heavy heart..i reach(new place) my heart will drop..haiz....
I wish i can continue wearing the 10strips...with that on i won't have such issues..
I am much stronger(mentally) in it..
We shall see what tomorrow is....
Tomorrow is yesterday's, today
Wake up at 0530hrs...As usual...
Mind still mess up with all the issues...
Yes my back pain come back again this morning...
I got the pills on standby...
I lost alot of things this past few months...
Can't affort to loose anything anymore...
I should just stay away from everybody...
Nobody Understands me,Nobody knows what i want...
Nobody cares about what i want...
I wanted to resign and run far far away from everybody...
Rank/Designation is just a structure,it gives you temporary powers
Don't flaunt it,don't go overboard,
The person you hate most,could be your next boss...
b3z
Mind still mess up with all the issues...
Yes my back pain come back again this morning...
I got the pills on standby...
I lost alot of things this past few months...
Can't affort to loose anything anymore...
I should just stay away from everybody...
Nobody Understands me,Nobody knows what i want...
Nobody cares about what i want...
I wanted to resign and run far far away from everybody...
Rank/Designation is just a structure,it gives you temporary powers
Don't flaunt it,don't go overboard,
The person you hate most,could be your next boss...
b3z
Monday, June 22, 2009
Today i msn with my school friend Amy...
She talk to me about my back pain...
Never knew it could be so serious...
Ya the symptoms are there...
The question is,do i dare to hear the results once i go for futhur check up?...
I have to be hospitalised..the last time i undergo surgery...i want to leave almost immediately...
I just don't like my friends, family members and relatives to see me on the bed in pain...
Truthfully i hate all type of pain....but i will endure it to my maximum level...
I endure my back pain for 4 weeks before i went to see my Dr...
Even up to now i still have pain on my hips and legs....
I extract this from the site:
"Symptoms of lumbar spondylosis follow those associated with each of the various aspects of the disorder: disc herniation, sciatica, spinal stenosis, degenerative spondylolisthesis, and degenerative scoliosis all of which are discussed in further detail below. Pain associated with disc degeneration may be felt locally in the back or at a distance away. This called referred pain, as the pain is not felt at its site of origin. Lower back arthritis may be felt as pain in the buttock, hips, groin, and thighs. As with spinal stenosis or disc herniation in the lumbar region, it is important to be aware of any bowel or bladder incontinence, or numbness in the perianal area. These signs and symptoms could represent an impSymptoms of lumbar spondylosis follow those associated with each of the various aspects of the disorder: disc herniation,. These signs and syptoms could represent an important massive nerve compression needing surgical intervention ortant massive nerve compression needing surgical intervention "
So what shall i do now?
As always,ignore first worry later?But i am getting older ...how long to delay?
Undecided,just let fate decide lor...
Thanks Amy...
b3z
She talk to me about my back pain...
Never knew it could be so serious...
Ya the symptoms are there...
The question is,do i dare to hear the results once i go for futhur check up?...
I have to be hospitalised..the last time i undergo surgery...i want to leave almost immediately...
I just don't like my friends, family members and relatives to see me on the bed in pain...
Truthfully i hate all type of pain....but i will endure it to my maximum level...
I endure my back pain for 4 weeks before i went to see my Dr...
Even up to now i still have pain on my hips and legs....
I extract this from the site:
"Symptoms of lumbar spondylosis follow those associated with each of the various aspects of the disorder: disc herniation, sciatica, spinal stenosis, degenerative spondylolisthesis, and degenerative scoliosis all of which are discussed in further detail below. Pain associated with disc degeneration may be felt locally in the back or at a distance away. This called referred pain, as the pain is not felt at its site of origin. Lower back arthritis may be felt as pain in the buttock, hips, groin, and thighs. As with spinal stenosis or disc herniation in the lumbar region, it is important to be aware of any bowel or bladder incontinence, or numbness in the perianal area. These signs and symptoms could represent an impSymptoms of lumbar spondylosis follow those associated with each of the various aspects of the disorder: disc herniation,. These signs and syptoms could represent an important massive nerve compression needing surgical intervention ortant massive nerve compression needing surgical intervention "
So what shall i do now?
As always,ignore first worry later?But i am getting older ...how long to delay?
Undecided,just let fate decide lor...
Thanks Amy...
b3z
Today is a very bad day for me....i sent sayang an sms in the morning at 10:47...no reply..
I told myself, it's ok,sayang's probably busy..
I try to focus myself away from sayang by talking to one of our new staff.He is different but almost the same.
However some of my actions and words upset him...haiz..
I drop him an sms apologising to him but i don't think he received it...
I am sad that i made him upset....I am Sorry...
I am now in a recovery phase,i really am trying very hard to forget my sayang....when my sayang never reply me i know that it had gone down the drain....I am still sad with my own situation...i though having someone who resemble him could cure part of my pain...I don't expect anything from the carbon copy...i just want to forget sayang,that's all.That's all.
I'll be resigning from my job soon....I guess that's the only way to forget everything and everybody...
I am jinx to everybody...i am the caused of 2 friends arguing...
I am the caused of 2 couple arguing frequently...
I am the caused of people getting reprimand for not doing thier job....
It is not only a bad day..it's a bad year overall....
I am in pain,internally...i am taking my pills...not because of my pain...
I hope when i wake up,if i wake up that is...i will feel different.
Again i am sorry to everyone that is involve..JK I really am sorry....
Sayang....i miss sayang alot and still sayang sayang.......Sayang....
b3z
I told myself, it's ok,sayang's probably busy..
I try to focus myself away from sayang by talking to one of our new staff.He is different but almost the same.
However some of my actions and words upset him...haiz..
I drop him an sms apologising to him but i don't think he received it...
I am sad that i made him upset....I am Sorry...
I am now in a recovery phase,i really am trying very hard to forget my sayang....when my sayang never reply me i know that it had gone down the drain....I am still sad with my own situation...i though having someone who resemble him could cure part of my pain...I don't expect anything from the carbon copy...i just want to forget sayang,that's all.That's all.
I'll be resigning from my job soon....I guess that's the only way to forget everything and everybody...
I am jinx to everybody...i am the caused of 2 friends arguing...
I am the caused of 2 couple arguing frequently...
I am the caused of people getting reprimand for not doing thier job....
It is not only a bad day..it's a bad year overall....
I am in pain,internally...i am taking my pills...not because of my pain...
I hope when i wake up,if i wake up that is...i will feel different.
Again i am sorry to everyone that is involve..JK I really am sorry....
Sayang....i miss sayang alot and still sayang sayang.......Sayang....
b3z
JK I am really sorry if what i have done and said make you upset.I didn't mean it to be that way.Hope you accept my Sincere apology.I now know what to do.Since you feel uneasy,i shall keep a distance away from you.Thank you for being a nice friend for this past week.Thank you for helping me out with this blog set up.Thank you and once again i am sorry.
b3z
b3z
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sayang I really miss Sayang a lot…
When will Sayang give me the answer?
I still Sayang Sayang alot…
Why Sayang in silence…
I can’t endure it anymore Sayang...
I know it’s a one way traffic ....
But I do hope that one day Sayang will Sayang me back….
Sayang I really really really MISS SAYANG A LOT…..
I last saw Sayang on the 2nd of June….
I can’t endure this any more Sayang…
I know we are taking a break until Sayang are ready again.
But how long must I wait for you Sayang?
I have no one that understand my feelings…
All of them says I am wasting my time on Sayang…
Now I know the meaning of Love is Blind ,Really.
I know Sayang is stress
I know Sayang is thinking of a lot of thing
But Sayang ,
All I want from Sayang is a little bit of effort
Even if Sayang are just pretending….
Sayang all I need is just a reply from Sayang
If Sayang decide to end it,I will take it with a heavy heart.
Sayang I didn’t mean to ask Sayang for a break…
Its just that I can’t Endure anymore.
I am very disappointed but who am I to complain?
I don’t know where I stand in Sayang heart.
I will remember 19th May 2009 1620hrs forever Sayang….
I will remember 2nd May 2009 0053hrs forever Sayang…
I will remember 11th May 2009 1930hrs forever Sayang…
Sayang called me Sayang 33 times
1st June is the last time Sayang called me Sayang…..
Sayang I miss Sayang every seconds of the day,
When will Sayang come back to me?
Every night tears flow down my cheeks,
Thinking of Sayang…
I know Sayang won't be able to read this because no one knows i have a blog...
Sayang i need Sayang...
Sayang i miss Sayang...
Sayang i Sayang Sayang...
Sayang where are Sayang now...
Sayang my Sayang...Sayang Sayang always
Sayang will always remain in my heart.......
b3z
When will Sayang give me the answer?
I still Sayang Sayang alot…
Why Sayang in silence…
I can’t endure it anymore Sayang...
I know it’s a one way traffic ....
But I do hope that one day Sayang will Sayang me back….
Sayang I really really really MISS SAYANG A LOT…..
I last saw Sayang on the 2nd of June….
I can’t endure this any more Sayang…
I know we are taking a break until Sayang are ready again.
But how long must I wait for you Sayang?
I have no one that understand my feelings…
All of them says I am wasting my time on Sayang…
Now I know the meaning of Love is Blind ,Really.
I know Sayang is stress
I know Sayang is thinking of a lot of thing
But Sayang ,
All I want from Sayang is a little bit of effort
Even if Sayang are just pretending….
Sayang all I need is just a reply from Sayang
If Sayang decide to end it,I will take it with a heavy heart.
Sayang I didn’t mean to ask Sayang for a break…
Its just that I can’t Endure anymore.
I am very disappointed but who am I to complain?
I don’t know where I stand in Sayang heart.
I will remember 19th May 2009 1620hrs forever Sayang….
I will remember 2nd May 2009 0053hrs forever Sayang…
I will remember 11th May 2009 1930hrs forever Sayang…
Sayang called me Sayang 33 times
1st June is the last time Sayang called me Sayang…..
Sayang I miss Sayang every seconds of the day,
When will Sayang come back to me?
Every night tears flow down my cheeks,
Thinking of Sayang…
I know Sayang won't be able to read this because no one knows i have a blog...
Sayang i need Sayang...
Sayang i miss Sayang...
Sayang i Sayang Sayang...
Sayang where are Sayang now...
Sayang my Sayang...Sayang Sayang always
Sayang will always remain in my heart.......
b3z
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thks JK for helping me with this blog...i appreciate it alot....even thou we jus knew each other only on the 17th june...u r ez to get along wif...
thks alot....cheers
b3z
thks alot....cheers
b3z
I am lost,very lost.I know no one can help me except myself.I got to find the right path back.Now i am going through a triple whammy.Work sucks,the physical pain continues and nothing happening for more then a week already.
"Hmmm can like tat say lo.But dun let anyone noe lo.Even ---." 02/05/2009 00:53:36
And so it begins......
"Sayang thanx for the ride hm" 11/05/2009 19:30:05
"Dunno leh.Suddenly feel like callin lo." 11/05/2009 19:38:44
"Okok.I noe sayang.Had an early nitez.Tml stil need to work." 11/05/2009 23:17:54
"Okok.Nitez sayang." 11/05/2009 23:34:12
Partial extraction of smses...33 times in total .01/06/2009 09:23:54 was the last time you use the words....you totally stop...i was disappointed.
I wanted to write alot of things but i am too upset and too much in pain to think.I can't lie down for long,i can't sit for long.....One day i will dedicate a post just for you Sayang.
I Sayang my Sayang more and more each day.Sayang Sayang no matter what happen.No one can stop me from Sayang Sayang.But i have to stop Sayang my Sayang because i can't continue a 3/4 dead relationship......
I just can't write anymore.......
b3z
"Hmmm can like tat say lo.But dun let anyone noe lo.Even ---." 02/05/2009 00:53:36
And so it begins......
"Sayang thanx for the ride hm" 11/05/2009 19:30:05
"Dunno leh.Suddenly feel like callin lo." 11/05/2009 19:38:44
"Okok.I noe sayang.Had an early nitez.Tml stil need to work." 11/05/2009 23:17:54
"Okok.Nitez sayang." 11/05/2009 23:34:12
Partial extraction of smses...33 times in total .01/06/2009 09:23:54 was the last time you use the words....you totally stop...i was disappointed.
I wanted to write alot of things but i am too upset and too much in pain to think.I can't lie down for long,i can't sit for long.....One day i will dedicate a post just for you Sayang.
I Sayang my Sayang more and more each day.Sayang Sayang no matter what happen.No one can stop me from Sayang Sayang.But i have to stop Sayang my Sayang because i can't continue a 3/4 dead relationship......
I just can't write anymore.......
b3z
Sudden pain shoot down my spine...Its painful....i gotta take medicine...cant write at this moment....
b3z
b3z
Friday, June 19, 2009
No one can understand how i feel right now.It has been a very tough year for me.Sometimes in life you can never see what you do but other people does.Sometimes you are aware of the things you do but most of the time you don't.Something very weird happened to me in April this year.I remember i fall sick and did not turn up for work on the 23rd and the 24th April.I never had this feeling for a long long time.But this time its different very different.From then my life has been turned inside out.I am not my own self.Today 19th June ,two months later,i sat in my room thinking of all the things that had happen.I am sad,disapointed and broken hearted.................
ALL I NEED IS JUST A LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT,EVEN IT ITS JUST PRETENDING
B3Z
ALL I NEED IS JUST A LITTLE BIT OF EFFORT,EVEN IT ITS JUST PRETENDING
B3Z